alexkwisner:

To Be Alive

I began to write this on the twenty first
January, the twenty first
to remind myself that I miss you.

Even though I spent
every waking minute
of five years of my life
begging you back
into existence

and drinking myself sick
just to keep you consistent.

Why did you have to mirror me
so symmetrically
because I was born on the twelfth
January, the twelfth
1, 2, that’s when you left me

lying in a foreign bed
wondering what you meant
when you said
you wished this family empty.

A friend told me you complained about freedom,
and how substances gave you substance
but you became so redundant
in saying you would cleanse yourself
until you didn’t need them.

but tell me how did it feel
when you sank to the bottom
of the ocean
ignoring every last bit
of emotion
and tell me how does it feel
to be so selfish

denying any possibility
of what we may be left with.

This is what it’s like to cry myself to sleep
every single night
for the rest of my life
Brother, if you could just
be me for one second;

This is what it is to be alive.

 

(via flatsound)